Time for a Change (Guest Post)

This post was written by Sunny's cousin, Casey! I hope you all enjoy her post! I certainly did! She is a very inspirational woman! Thank you, Casey, for sharing your story! 

Time for a Change

8:40, 8:40, 8:40. This is all I can hear in my head during my first run after a month break. I don’t know if the lack of running made me insane or if I just had plenty of time to develop some very unreal expectations. I hear the Garmin beep, letting me know that I hit my 3^rd mile and my run is over. I look for my average pace with incredibly high hopes that I got that 8:40 I was so desperately trying to maintain. My heart sinks. 10:20. What? How can this be? I was sweating, out of breath, and my legs felt tired and achy. I burst into tears. Now, I’m sure I looked absolutely crazy – on the side of the road in my blue and green pants with a neon yellow hat, sobbing like a child whose balloon just disappeared into the sky. I just couldn’t help it, I felt utterly and completely devastated. 

Two months earlier, right after my first half marathon and before the tendinitis, I was running 15+ miles at a 10 minute pace and had great plans to do my first marathon at the end of December. Those long runs were beginning to feel easy and my confidence in myself as a runner was through the roof! So now, as I’m standing on the side of the road crying, I’m asking myself “What is wrong with you?” “Why can’t you run any faster than that?” This trend continued for two weeks or so. Every time I would see a friend post their run to Facebook, I would obsessively check their times which always left me feeling disappointed in myself. These are the people that I used to run with, the people that I felt like were on my “level.” But now, I couldn’t even run with them if I tried my hardest. 

I think, as runners, we all have struggles with beating ourselves up, whether it’s over a race we were hoping to place in but didn’t, a long run that we felt so tired on we had to walk and maybe even stop a few times, or just a personal time we were hoping to beat but couldn’t. However, my self-loathing had risen to a whole new level. I couldn’t even complete a run without crying and filling my head with negative self-talk. So, I spoke to my husband, my friends, my family, and my best running partner (my sister-in law) about the struggles I was having. Of course, they all mentioned  the fact that I had just taken a month off running, had pretty bad tendinitis, that I had only just gotten into running 7 months prior and had lost over 50 pounds in the past year. As they were saying these things to me, I was realizing something- I wasn’t giving myself any credit for the accomplishments I had made. I mean, just a year ago I couldn’t even run one mile without stopping, was 50 pounds overweight, and would have laughed at someone if they would’ve asked me whether I would ever run a half marathon.

My first half with my sister-in-law Lindsey (left)

My running partners 

Lindsey (left) and Erika (right). 

So at that moment, I decided that I wouldn’t beat myself up anymore and I wouldn’t compare myself to others. Not only that, but I began making a conscious effort to fill my mind with positive, empowering thoughts during runs instead of obsessing with times and pace. Guess what started to happen? I started to enjoy my running again. I could run a few miles, look at my watch and not burst into tears.  Now, my times did slowly start to improve and with each run I got a little bit closer to my normal pace. However, if I did have a “slow” run, instead of beating myself up, I would tell myself, “That’s okay, you tried hard and you still did GREAT!”  Two months later, I am almost where I was before the break and feeling happier than I have in a while. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still care about my time and I still have goals to run farther and faster. But what I don’t do is punish myself. I celebrate my accomplishments and use my “setbacks” to encourage and motivate me. It is so important to be your own biggest cheerleader and to think highly of yourself as a runner. Times and paces are just numbers. They do not tell your story. They do not explain how far you have come or where you will go. Use those numbers to fuel your performance, not hinder it. You are a runner, you are strong, and you will accomplish great things!

My husband John (my biggest supporter)

and me at my most recent race!